Mr T Facts!!!!!

Found these on the net...pretty frickin awesome!

-Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
-The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.
-Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
- Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.
- If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you.
- Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.
- Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
- There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
-Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
- Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.
- Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.
- Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.
- Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.
- If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass.
- Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr. T wisely checked his swing.
- Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity.
- Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.
- Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
-Mr. T once was a referee at a football game, blowing his whistle he created a new call, "Too much jibbah-Jabbah on the field!" He punched the other officials in the nuts when they argued, then he set about pitying all the fools in the stadium.
- Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle.
- Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
- Mr. T does not believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever he goes becomes a State of Emergency and whenever he leaves, he leaves a State of Destruction
- Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet.
- World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
- Once, Mr. T joined forces with Chuck Norris to fight crime. All criminals in the known universe were instantly vaporized by the sheer awsomeness of their Mohawk/Mullet combination. Afterwards, Mr. T created Vin Diesel using a welder and a 55 gallon drum, but left him bald so that he could not challenge their hairdo supremecy.
- Mr. T once murdered a man with his balls that why it is known as T-bagging
- Mr. T hates fucking golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods.
- Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba.
- Mr. T has beat the shit out of so many people over his brilliant life that most medical journals now classify him as a laxative.
- Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back.
- Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape.
- The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked.
- Mr. T once beat Donovan Bailey in the 100 meter dash. He didn't even know he was racing, just that someone near the finish line leaned against his Toyota Camry.
- Mr. T was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it.
- The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
- Mr. T currently resides in a small village in Turkmenistan, where "Mr. T" translates to "Santa Claus." In unrelated news, Children in Turkmenistan are scared shitless of Santa Claus.
- Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on.
- Mr. T and the rest of the "A-Team" were disqualified and kicked off the show "Junk Yard Wars" for violating the saftey rules and building a fully functional M1A1 Abram Main battle tank, when all they needed to build was a steam-powered catapult.
- The Catholic Church is considering sainthood for Mr. T, taking in consideration for the pity he has shown to so many fools. When asked what he would do with this new found honor he vowed to challange Stallone and regain his championship.
- Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
-Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
- When God shuts a door and opens a window, Mr. T just kicks the door down, windows are for pussies.
-Jabba the Hut used to be a tall beautiful blonde woman named Susan, until she talked too much during a date with Mr. T. After piting her to the point where she melted into the slug beast form, Mr. T re-named her Jabba to remind her not to jibba-jabba so much.
- Mr. T invented orphans.
- Mr. T defeated Stephen Hawking at Rock-Paper-Scissors in 1972, and again in 1985 using his trademarked Mohawk Chop (three papers, thrown aggressively). Mr. T vehemently denies choosing this strategy solely because Stephen Hawking cannot physically make scissors, and pities the fool who brings up the subject to his face.
- When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out.
- What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Mr. T has found too chewy to eat.
- Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
- Mr. T was fired from his job as a weather man because his forecast was always 75% chance of pity, clearing late in the evening with a 95% of pain overnight. He was always right.
- When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal.
- Mr. T is the original black Power Ranger.
- In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration... that move is forever known as T Bagging.
- Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black.
- Mr. T never takes showers. Instead, whenevr he's dirty, he points to himself and shouts, "CLEAN!"
- When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right.
- Ever have one of those nights when you'd wake up panting and sweating? That was Mr.T, and you my friend, have just been pitied.
- If Mr. T wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.
- Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture.
- While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone in the head so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week.
- Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools.
- Mr. T's body is composed of 95% recycled material, making him earth friendly and of benefit to society. To balance himself out, Mr. T sets fire to one national park per year.
- Mr. T once won the Olympics. All of them.
- When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear.
- Mr. T has four stomachs like a cow. Still, he can't stomach no fool.
- Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.
- The Virgin Mary isn't really a virgin. Just ask Mr. T.
- Mr. T encourages people to "love their mama." This is because if you aren't loving your mama, Mr. T will break your front door down and love your mama until he pitys her.
- The Big Bang was actually Mr. T pitying space and time for all their jibba jabba.
- The turning point of World War II was not when the allies invaded Normandy, but when Mr. T was born and Hitler shot himself to avoid the consequences.
- Scientists theorize that Mr. T cannot catch AIDS because his T-cells pity the virus into submission. The study of this phenomenon would lead to an AIDS vaccine; however doctors cannot obtain a blood sample because medical science has been unable to invent a hypodermic needle capable of piercing Mr. T’s skin.
- You can run, but you can't hide. Because Mr. T is already there.
- Although Mr. T contains vitamins A1, B2, C, niacin and iron, it is YOU who are part of HIS complete breakfast, suckah.
- Waldo hides out of fear of Mr. T
- Physical contact with Mr. T's gold chains produces the same effect as evolution.
- Having had enough of Nazi Germany, Mr. T landed on Normandy with the Marines, crossed his arms with intense pity for Hitler, and instantly destroyed the Nazi war machine. Known as T-Day by the locals, history mistakenly refered to this event as "D-Day".
- When Mr. T folds his arms, the U.S. Terror Alert Level is raised to gold.
- If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.
- Mr. T refuses to forgive the Republican party for not letting him "just take care of them terrorist fools." George W. Bush claims that it was because Mr. T being a weapon of mass destruction is in violation of international treaty. After hearing this, Mr. T proceeded to impregnate both of Bush's daughters at the same time. All he had to do was let them touch his mohawk.
- Satan sold his soul to Mr. T.
- A diamond is the hardest element found on Earth. A scientist will swear to that fact, until -- in the very near future -- he meets the wrong end of Mr. T's fist.
- Mr.T decided one day to brawl with himself, as he would be the only worthy opponent for himself... the battle continues to this day... pity is strewn about like wild fires.
- Mr. T claims that the "T" stands for pain.
- "I am the best bodyguard, because I'll take a bullet, I'll take a stab wound, I'll take a hit upside the head; I'm like a Kamikaze pilot. The President [Ronald Reagan] got shot because his men relaxed." - Mr. T, in the Sept. 1983 issue of Playboy
- Each capsule of Viagra contains one drop of Mr. T's sweat.
- Mr T is credited with the invention of the asshole. He invented it when some fool dissed Mr. T and Mr. T punched his heart through his ass.
- Mr. T eats turkey everyday except for the last Thursday of every November. This day is known as "Thanks For Giving Us Fools A Chance To Eat Turkey, Mr. T", but was later shortened to "Thanksgiving" for the sake of brevity.
- In the unlikely event that Mr. T ever pitied himself, the universe would immediately reboot to 1982.
- Mr. T may pity fools, but he has no love for Scientologists.
- Mr.T pities the fools who don't eat his cereal, as it is the only known source of Vitamin T.
- Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba.
- Mr. T has killed Mr. A through Mr. S; U through Z are slaves in his gold mine.
- The first car was initially named the "Ford Transpor-mobile." Mr. T pitied Henry Ford so bad that Ford came to his senses and appropriately changed the name to the "Model T."
- When a can of whoopass is opened Mr. T jumps out.
- To make sure he was born tough, Mr. T's mother would punch her womb between shots of vodka.
- Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.