Where does time go? Does it live in a vaccum? Four years ago today i lost a father, my mentor, my hero and my best friend. Why did you have to go? It almost seems like a cruel, heartless joke played on me, family and friends..fucking cancer... i mean these are supposed to be the golden years where you are supposed to be here enjoying your retirement, enjoying your days in the sun..how you used to talk about selling it all, packing up you, mom and the dogs and getting an RV and travelling... sometimes life does have a horrible sense of humor doesn't it? Four years later and there are still days where i feel lost wondering what would Dad do?
Everyone who still has a Dad...don't hesitate, if you are estranged from your Dad...don't be... call, visit, e-mail do something... even if you live one million miles away...i just wonder how different things would be if Dad was there...that extra bit of encouragement...what would he think of me? How different would certain people be? How different would i be? Would certain individuals have chosen their current life path into oblivion? What if Dad had been healthy in 2005? Would i have left my schooling like i did in order to stay with him for a year? Like i said, there are certain things that i am most certain would be quite different if Dad was around, alice and healthy today.
I still feel his presence...this whole house...Dad's...i think sometimes i hear things, i turn around thinking i hear his voice...his laugh... the man always had an answer for everything, when life didn't make sense, there was Dad with his wisdom, always seemed to know what to say, what to do in a given situation. I see lots of scumbags walking the streets in this day and age...people who should be locked up...dopers, murderers, kiddie touchers and unkind people in general....how come this scumbags get to stay and yet my Dad has to leave? Tell me...im not a religious man...but does God have an answer for that one? No? I didn't think so...
Still life soldiers on...i've done alot the last four years, i've been employed, been to Japan and S Korea, i've reached goals of being a teacher, i have felt what it's like to be at a peak...and i have also known what defeat tastes like as well... now im two credits away from being a REAL teacher...an TESOL teacher who can help others...what would Dad think? What direction would he point me in? With a heavy heart i still think of Dad everyday, thinking of moments of fun, laughter and wishing there would be more...but that is life i guess... still missing you Dad...hope wherever you are that your looking down as i try everyday to make you proud of me. :)
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