Welcome...Now at 500 Posts and Counting!!!

Welcome...Now at 500 Posts and Counting!!!

Monday, March 04, 2013

Things I Learned Watching The Chinese Connection (aka Fists of Fury)

1. Don't kill someone's teacher. His best student come and kill you.

2. To fix a telephone, open it and close it.

3. Japanese people look Chinese.

4. Large glasses make perfect disguise when everyone is looking for you. 

5. Japanese people wear girdles (or kimonos I guess).

6. Japanese people cover up their nipples before they fight.

7. When the camera zooms into a piece of clothing, everyone focuses on the nipples.

8. One Chinese can take on 20+ Karate students. 

9. When executing a person, no one behind the condemned will move out of the way.

10. Trying to kill someone with a stone in plain sight is a bad idea.

11. Cracking someone's ribs will kill them.

12. When you are in disguise, people around you will start leaking all the information you need to know.

13. If someone says they're the worst student, they're probably not.

14. If you're strong enough, pivot points of lever gravity will not apply when lifting carriages.

15. When there is a sign for no Chinese or dogs, the guards don't always pay attention.

16. When a telephone wire is just cut, people will have been waiting all day long.

17. Caucasians are significantly stronger than Japanese people.

18. Your hand can also be a hammer for nails.

19. Metal bars wobble when you bend them.

20. Japanese people like mustaches.

21. A good place to hide is a graveyard.

22. Japanese swords are so sharp they will go right through you with no applied force.

23. Random blocks of wood are waiting for you on top of doors.

24. Don't touch angry people.

25. If you kill somebody's teacher answer him why. Why? Why? Why? Why?

26. You can pretend to be a dog and a Japanese guy will give you a tour of the park.

27. When confronted with 20 rifles just start yelling, run at them at top speed and try to drop-kick them.

28. You can eat a lot of paper in front of a group of students. 

29. The only way to calm down a grieving realtive is to bang him on the head with a shovel. 

30. In 1908 China, Japanese and white people wore suits that apparently came back in the 1970s. 

31. When a ticked off Chinese guy tells you to leave.. leave.

32. It is necessary to disguise as a telephone repairman in order to find out that Russian wrestlers are very strong. It is okay to risk the real repairman showing up and asking: "What the hey?" While you are in the boss's office, don't kill him, along with the other goons. Wait till it is night, so that everybody will wake up and ask: "What's the *beep*ing noise?" 

33.  If you're from "Rusher" (Russia), and can say "Let Me Take Care O Him", sounding like Sylvester Stallone, and Dolph Lundgren at the same time, you can get into a Bruce Lee Movie. 

34.  When it rains, during a funeral in Shanghai, the dirt will not get wet. 

35. Don't take a flying leap while screaming at a bunch of policemen with their guns out. You might make them mad at you.

36. White and modern Asian people in 1908 (or whenever) wore the same hairstyles as people in the early 1970s.

37. Pick up two Japanese guys off the floor, spin them around, and they'll morphed into rag dolls.

38.  I don't care how old he is,Steve Martin is the only white haired man in 1970s karate movies 

39.  Jackie Chan makes a good stunt man 

40. "Scram" is English for "Get the FUCK out of here NOW" 

Have a good one folks!


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